2026-04-14

Preface

That bitch tricked me. Sure, the powers are nice, but these missions she sends me on are a pain in the ass. In the negative, figure of speech, kinda way. But we both know what happens when I go against her will, so I better do what she asks.
So now I'm locked up in this stupid cage, in this stupid old trading post, and I'm BORED!

Wait... Do I actually hear people coming this way? What poor fools would come to this derelict place voluntarily? Well, it doesn't matter. I see a way out of here now. Let's see how gullible they are.

The encounter

What a weird combination of characters. An overly serious, arrogant and boring elf; a dwarf who thinks he's the tallest man alive; and a very cute, three-eared bunny, who just loves killing stuff. Anyway, they had their fun with the chaindevil and freed me from my cage. It turns out they are here for the same reason I am, but there's no need for them to know that. Let's live life.

I asked if I could join their party, and together we explored parts of Gibbet Crossing. We came across a friendly creature named Zoklork, who gave us some information about a toppled tower, which can shrink with the right magic word. Lumi found a chest with 1300 gold pieces, which Zoklork was not at all interested in, so we took it.

In the blurry room before encountering Zoklork, we found a Scroll of Blur. Isn't that a fucking coincidence? Additionally Lumi found two health potions, which were distributed among the party.

Having explored everything here, we went down the stairs, deeper into Gibbet Crossing. Even though I had been here before, I hadn't noticed the two Ropers on the ceiling then, and now only noticed them after Norrik pointed one of them out. We had a very exciting, yet pretty close fight with both of them, but managed to defeat them relatively unscathed. Got the adrenaline flowing though!

While exploring more rooms, Lumi found a foldable cage. It has no lock, but I'm still interested to see what we can do with it, iykwim. She also found me an illustrated book about Ropers, which tickles the fantasy, iykwim.

Exploring an area which seems to have been a mine, Lumi got attacked by a number of eyeless monsters and their mommy. Another fight ensued, and another battle was won. Although I do now understand why there are so many warnings about Gibbet Crossing.

2026-05-26

As we ventured deeper into the ruins of Gibbet Crossing, we encountered multiple rooms which were partially flooded. Trying to electrify the water, with the attempt to electrocute all enemies in it, I seem to have angered two large crabs. Whoopsie. After the fight, I felt invigorated though. Bwaelan dro.

Things got a little boring, since only my feet were wet, iykwim. So things are a bit hazy in my brain. But we explored more flooded rooms, until we found a room with spider webs. Instead of spiders, eight-legged coins ran through the webs. Of course Daddy Elf caught one in a glass jar to study it further. Little did he know that they were just a spell from a yellow tree. Daddy Elf spoke with the tree, and got some information about idk what. It was boring. I caught some spider coins though, and feel rich now.

In another flooded room, Lumi and I found a couple of grimlocks, and two basilisks. The boys were exploring a different path, so I ran back and got them to help out. My Darkness spell was a huge help against these basilisks. Thank you Fierna. Never though I'd say that...
There were some poor fucks who did get petrified by the basilisks though. I scraped off some dust, to sprinkle upon the toppled tower in Zoklok's room, since that would help us shrink it. I gave the dust to Daddy Elf. He likes to feel important.

In one of the last rooms we explored we encountered more grimlocks, and a mind flayer. That last bitch was a bitch to fight. I lost consciousness and didn't feel so good for a minute. But I'm back now, bitches. Bwaelan dro!

Turns out we were almost back where we started. Daddy Elf sprinkled the petrified dust on the tower and it shrunk to fit in his pocket. The secret word to shrink and extend the tower is "petrification". Zoklok was happy with a gemstone we gave him, even if Lumi didn't want to give it up. Greedy bitch.

We found a vault with loot behind the tower, which contained the black rock we all were looking for. I gave all the gemstones to Zoklork, and now I'm his rock mate, whatever that may be. I also took a jeweled dagger for myself. I will act as if this is the "trinket of an ex lover" which I was here to fetch. At least, that's what I told my new "friends". I hope I can steal that stone from Azar before that vaarnelle comes for me.

2026-06-30

The trek back from Gibbet Crossing was rather uneventful. I made sure everybody noticed that the jeweled dagger means a lot to me. The tall dwarf seems to fall for it with open eyes, which is helpful. I'll take any benefit I can get.

After exiting the caves leading to Gibbet Crossing, the party decided to go to Phandalin. I had to come with an excuse to join them. I'm so close now, there's no way I'm letting those stones out of my sight. I said I wanted to keep hanging out with Lumi. I honestly like her, as long as it lasts, so that was hardly a lie.

On the road to Phandalin, shortly before nightfall, we ran into an encampment. Some people were bickering. Another was peeling potatoes. Brodinn quickly jumped in to help the potato peeling, although I question his reasoning. A bunch of party members were interested in a (probably fake) fortune teller, and some of us spent a shitload of money on armor and weapons. That gnome seemed to have it all...

While Azar was busy with the fortune teller, I snuck into his magic tower in order to find those damned black stones. I didn't pay attention well enough, because apparently he takes his bag with him wherever he can... Arkhlavae. To make things worse, Fierna visited me in a dream that night. Her touch and smell brought back some good memories, but I despise her. I am nothing more than a little play thing to her, and she loves to make sure that I know this. Arkhlavae vaarnelle. Anyway, she showed me how to get the stones to her. If only I could get my hands on them.

When we arrived in Phandalin the next day, there was a brawl going on. Brodinn seemed very amused, and I myself was about to jump in and maybe drag a couple of commoners with me, but Azar broke up the fight. I had some fun provoking the fighting villagers and pissing them off more, before the mayor suggested to throw them into jail. I noticed some mushrooms near the mayor's house, which I had only seen in the Underdark before... Strange.

I went to the pub with Norrik, when we saw that the barmaid looked a lot like one of those tentacle-bearded squid-faces we killed earlier. When I saw a writing on the counter while sipping my early morning beer, we decided to call the others of the group together, and investigate. Something is really off.
In the cellar of the pub we found a tunnel going into the Underdark. Looks like we're continuing our adventure.

2026-07-28

After a long trek through a fairly boring tunnel, lit by bio-luminescent mushrooms on the walls, we encountered a T-junction with blood on the floor. Brödinn discovered it was goblin blood. We heard groaning and something clicking, coming from the path away from the main tunnel, so clearly we investigated. It turned out to be a bunch of floating brains with tentacles and beaks. We made short work of them, and we found a couple of villagers hiding in a corner. Apparently the floating brains had been feasting on goblins. We sent the villagers back to where we came from, all the way to Phandalin.

There was a room with a chasm, about 10 meters deep. Azar saw a shiny old book at the bottom, and used his Mage Hand to lift it up, while Lumi theorised on how high she could jump and that she probably could jump in and out again.
When we were leaving, I flicked a silver coin into the chasm, which made Lumi and Brödinn jump into the hole. Idiots. I love them. I wanted to leave them behind, but Azar and Norrik pulled them back up with a rope.

When we walked another couple of miles down the main tunnel, we saw another T-junction. The walls seemed to have been affected by Lightning magic. We heard a roar, so we went in. In the path away from the main tunnel, there's a small hole. Lumi fit right through, so she went on a solo adventure. Didn't take her long though...
While the rest of us were fighting some kind of snake with eight legs (he managed to swallow me btw, and blasted Lightning attacks), Lumi pulled three of the floating-brain-with-tentacles-and-beak thingies to us. One of them seemed to be modified, and it made me have an experience similar to some of the shrooms I may or may not have consumed in the past. It was basically a free trip. Always good.

In the room of the brain thingies Lumi had noticed a moldy backpack. It turns out there was some magic shit and papers in it, so Azar is happy. We also looted the snake's nest, which gave us some decent loot. Greedy Lumi is mad that Azar and me don't share our loot though. She says it's unfair because she shared her loot. After we asked for it for weeks 🤷‍♀️. Since we had been walking for a while, we decided to call it a day.

Another while down the main tunnel, there was another T-junction. This one smelled terrible. When exploring the cave, we encountered a pool of stinking mud, which had all kinds of dead things and body parts in it. Lumi and Brödinn threw in a mushroom and a rock (these two were on a role), and a big, stinking, flesh-colored monster surfaced. He ate Brödinn, but did not put up much of a fight otherwise. The fight ended when the sun erupted from its stomach, and Brödinn re-appeared. Shame he was standing on the other side of the pool of stinking mud though.

We floated across the pool on a magic shield which Azar made appear. Further down the cave we found a rotting-dwarf-wielding cape. That was an interesting sight.
The cape was harder to beat than the flesh monster. Nearly all of our attacks did very little to it. It spoke to us psychically, talking about Illithinoch and Mind Flayers. Nothing new for us.
I feel like I need another night's sleep rest though.

2026-08-24

We ventured into Illithinoch, seemingly a temple of tentacle daddies. Or as the elf calls them: Mind Flayers. We very obviously lied through our teeth when we ran into some of them, but they seemed very gullible. It's how I like 'em best.

While exploring the halls of Illithinoch, we encountered numerous rooms and areas, each with their own creatures and mind flayers, with their own tasks.

We also found a curious creature, seemingly being made of a string of red wool. The gang doesn't like it, but I became its friend. I named him Wuppie. While trying to figure out what Wuppie means for us, and how he fits in a puzzle we can't seem to solve, we were attacked by a blob of eyeballs, strangely reminding me of a beholder. I could say we made short work of the monster, but honestly I did not have a great time.

We are far from done with this place, and the fact that it's crawling with mind flayers gives me the heebie-jeebies. Additionally, Azar has become more protective of those damned stones. He now says he stores them in that stupid magical tower, which I explored after he erected it in the camp a couple of nights ago. Back then he kept them in his bag, but now they're in his tower? Make up your mind, Daddy Elf. Arkhlavae.

An intrusive thought entered my mind, that I maybe should become a little more reckless. The creatures we're fighting in this temple are strong. Very strong. If one of them accidentally kind of somewhat killed me, that would be a huge middle finger to Fierna, which would be hilarious. The question is: Am I done with this life?

2026-09-29

We went back to the entrance of Illithinoch, where we met up with Brödinn, who had been exploring. The two mind flayers in the entrance hall started asking questions, but Brödinn argued them towards the ritual, and they moved towards the portal where we just came from.

Exploring more rooms, we found a couple of goblins drinking, hitting each other on the head, and doing whatever goblins do. Behind the goblins was another portal, so we made our way through, and landed in an area smelling of burnt sugar. It made me realize how hungry I was, and hearing the sounds from the other party members, I was not alone. The smell was coming from a couple of streams of a viscous purple fluid flowing through the rooms.
We followed one of the streams, and found those beaked tentacle creatures. The type of which abducted me back in Gibbet Crossing. That was't fun. But these specimens were busy drinking the sweet smelling syrup stuff.

We fought three of the creatures. Of course I got abducted again. Azar killed the creature abducting me, which made me fall into a pool of the purple goo. It didn't taste very well, but at least I felt less hungry. I relayed this to the others, but they didn't want to try it. Pussies.

Further into the room, around a corner, there were more monsters. One of them was stirring a boiling pot of the purple goo. We decided not to fight them, for whatever reason.
Nearby there was a Wuppie, which Azar said is what we're looking for. This one was purple. We snuck in, got the purple Wuppie, got out, and made our way back through the portal, to the room with the goblins. I now have two Wuppies.

In yet another room near the entrance of Illithinoch we found two VERY ugly yet big creatures. Behind them was another portal, and I guess we wanted to go through that portal to find yet another Wuppie. The creatures wouldn't let us though. They said we were not allowed into their nursery. Brödinn made them move aside with a Command spell, and we snuck through the portal anyway.

Of course it didn't take long before the creatures (I think they said they're Slaads) followed us and started a fight. During the fight, Azar had the bright idea to turn Norrik into a giant ape, while keeping one of the Slaads locked up in a magic restraint spell. He suggested, while Norrik and Brödinn fought one Slaad, and he restrained the other, I could explore the cave and find the Wuppie here.

For me, this was the perfect opportunity to steal the stones from his bag, and hand them over to Fierna. Sadly, before I could do the latter, he ignored the second Slaad, and restrained me instead... Arkhlavae.
After Brödinn almost died, and Norrik made short work of both the Slaads, there was a big discussion. First between Azar and me, about how I could steal "his" stones. Then about the power the stones can give, and that nobody, especially an arrogant young elf, should have that kind of power.
It seemed there was no end to the discussion. Apart from teasing Azar, it was BOOOORRRRIIIIING.

Anyway, Azar now has one stone, and Brödinn keeps care of the other. Which makes my life more difficult.

During the fight, both dwarves got infected by the Slaads. Apparently this means they are now pregnant with Slaad babies, and while that's happening, they will get worse and worse every day. Brödinn tried to heal himself multiple times, in multiple ways, but to no avail. In the end he got so desperate, he asked Azar to cut off his arm, in order to stop the Slaad infection from spreading throughout his body.
We have an amputee in our midst now...

After a night's rest back in Ilithinoch, we went back through the portal and explored that cave. We triggered a lightning trap, and a voice in our heads ordering us to return, and to leave the nursery. While the other hesitantly made their way back towards the portal, I turned invisible and explored the cave. I found a blue Wuppie, took it, and rejoined the group.

With the stones now spread throughout the group, Norrik getting worse every day, Brödinn having lost an arm, and the group synergy at an all-time low, I wonder what the future will look like...